As she opened the box, she was still shaking her head and was uncertain about what she was going to do. She picked up the adjustable restraints that she had ordered through a discrete website and just shook her head. It had all started 2 months ago….
Andrew and Allie had been married for 8 years. In that time their family had grown to 5 – not including the cat. Allie was a 4th grade teacher and her husband, Andrew, was a loan officer at a local bank. Their marriage had always been quite good – good enough that their friends complimented them on the way they treated each other. About half of their friends had already gotten a divorce and many of the rest were unhappy in their relationships. Having three children under the age of 6 had taken its toll though. The frequency of sex had dropped substantially. And despite regular ‘date nights,’ their ‘spark’ had dimmed a bit. Their sex life had gotten stale and Allie found herself thinking of sex as more hassle than it was worth. That’s when Allie heard about a special program that was being sponsored by their church.
The program was advertised as a way to rejuvenate and celebrate marriage and was for women only. She and a friend signed up immediately. She wasn’t quite sure what to expect from the speaker, and she forgot most of the material quickly. But there was one hour of the day-long program devoted to “Sex and Marriage.” The speaker was a middle-aged woman who could have passed for a stereotypical file clerk, but she seemed to come alive in this segment. The speaker emphasized these things:
– Don’t be afraid to try new things in the bedroom
– Don’t be afraid to initiate love-making
– Don’t mistake being adventurous for being sinful
The speaker encouraged the attendees to spice up their lovemaking: “You can use lingerie, massage oil, vibrators, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and whips. I don’t care what you do as long as it is a mutual expression of love.” You could hear the gasp come up from the attendees. This seemed to only encourage the speaker. She went on to emphasize taking control in the bedroom. “What you have to understand is that men are taught to pursue women from adolescence. They are taught to be the aggressors. Consequently, they get turned down all the time and that can take its toll. While most men have big egos, it can still be discouraging to your husband when you turn him down. I’m not saying that you have to be ready for sex any time he wants it – I’m saying that you can take a huge amount of pressure off of him when you aggressively initiate love-making. Now he doesn’t have to worry about whether you are willing. He knows that you’re ready and that is a huge relief to a man.” Allie had never thought of it this way. But upon thinking about it, she realized that she had gotten in the pattern of waiting for Andrew to send clear signals that he wanted sex. Sometimes she felt like it and sometimes she didn’t. Be she had never seen it as a burden for him – but it made sense.
The speaker continued. “Pay close attention to what your husband is communicating to you. See if you can figure out what he likes and doesn’t like. I’ve never had a women tell me that her husband rejected her advances. Men don’t care exactly what you want to do as much as they want you to initiate it.” The program, and especially the segment on sex, created quite a stir. Afterwards several vocal members said that the speaker had gone too far. But a seed had been planted in Allie.
The next day she asked Andrew to stay home with the children while she went to go for a walk with her mother. She occasionally asked for this escape when the challenges of being a mother were wearing on her, and Andrew always encouraged her to go. Instead of going for the walk, Allie went to a local coffee shop and took her journal. After getting her coffee, Allie sat and thought. What does Andrew like? Their bedroom routine had been pretty traditional up to this point. She occasionally wore a silky chemise that he enjoyed and she often lit a candle and played soft music. But even she was getting slightly bored of these details.
As she thought about their routine, a memory flashed. They had been watching a Failure to Launch – a romantic comedy — at home on the couch. Near the end Matthew McConaughy and Sarah Jessica Parker finally decide to be together. Throughout the last scene, McConaughy is tied to a chair. Feeling good about the couple’s happy ending, Allie had snuggled closer to Andrew and was surprised to feel his erection. She assumed that it meant that he wanted to make love (as they sometimes did after a movie on a weekend).
That memory led Allie to another. They had been watching another movie – she couldn’t even remember the name of it. Andrew had chosen it, and it was one of those American Pie/ Hangover movies or one of a hundred ‘guy movies’ that included lots of adolescent humor. In the movie, a man was surprised when his girlfriend arrived in a long trenchcoat and heels – only to reveal a leather bra and panties. She restrained her boyfriend’s hands over his head and proceeded to use a riding crop to rub over his body and gently tease him. The scene wasn’t very long, but Allie remembered glancing over at Andrew to see his reaction. She specifically remembered his intense gaze and was surprised when she could clearly see his erection straining against his pajama pants.
Allie was surprised that she hadn’t thought of it since. Was her husband excited by being restrained and dominated? Her first thought was “I’m not that kind of girl.” She closed her journal and went home. But the thoughts stayed with her. In some ways it did make sense – if the speaker was right and men were looking for their wife to take the pressure off of them, there were few things more direct than restraining him and pleasuring him.
Andrew and Allie had been married for 8 years. In that time their family had grown to 5 – not including the cat. Allie was a 4th grade teacher and her husband, Andrew, was a loan officer at a local bank. Their marriage had always been quite good – good enough that their friends complimented them on the way they treated each other. About half of their friends had already gotten a divorce and many of the rest were unhappy in their relationships. Having three children under the age of 6 had taken its toll though. The frequency of sex had dropped substantially. And despite regular ‘date nights,’ their ‘spark’ had dimmed a bit. Their sex life had gotten stale and Allie found herself thinking of sex as more hassle than it was worth. That’s when Allie heard about a special program that was being sponsored by their church.
The program was advertised as a way to rejuvenate and celebrate marriage and was for women only. She and a friend signed up immediately. She wasn’t quite sure what to expect from the speaker, and she forgot most of the material quickly. But there was one hour of the day-long program devoted to “Sex and Marriage.” The speaker was a middle-aged woman who could have passed for a stereotypical file clerk, but she seemed to come alive in this segment. The speaker emphasized these things:
– Don’t be afraid to try new things in the bedroom
– Don’t be afraid to initiate love-making
– Don’t mistake being adventurous for being sinful
The speaker encouraged the attendees to spice up their lovemaking: “You can use lingerie, massage oil, vibrators, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and whips. I don’t care what you do as long as it is a mutual expression of love.” You could hear the gasp come up from the attendees. This seemed to only encourage the speaker. She went on to emphasize taking control in the bedroom. “What you have to understand is that men are taught to pursue women from adolescence. They are taught to be the aggressors. Consequently, they get turned down all the time and that can take its toll. While most men have big egos, it can still be discouraging to your husband when you turn him down. I’m not saying that you have to be ready for sex any time he wants it – I’m saying that you can take a huge amount of pressure off of him when you aggressively initiate love-making. Now he doesn’t have to worry about whether you are willing. He knows that you’re ready and that is a huge relief to a man.” Allie had never thought of it this way. But upon thinking about it, she realized that she had gotten in the pattern of waiting for Andrew to send clear signals that he wanted sex. Sometimes she felt like it and sometimes she didn’t. Be she had never seen it as a burden for him – but it made sense.
The speaker continued. “Pay close attention to what your husband is communicating to you. See if you can figure out what he likes and doesn’t like. I’ve never had a women tell me that her husband rejected her advances. Men don’t care exactly what you want to do as much as they want you to initiate it.” The program, and especially the segment on sex, created quite a stir. Afterwards several vocal members said that the speaker had gone too far. But a seed had been planted in Allie.
The next day she asked Andrew to stay home with the children while she went to go for a walk with her mother. She occasionally asked for this escape when the challenges of being a mother were wearing on her, and Andrew always encouraged her to go. Instead of going for the walk, Allie went to a local coffee shop and took her journal. After getting her coffee, Allie sat and thought. What does Andrew like? Their bedroom routine had been pretty traditional up to this point. She occasionally wore a silky chemise that he enjoyed and she often lit a candle and played soft music. But even she was getting slightly bored of these details.
As she thought about their routine, a memory flashed. They had been watching a Failure to Launch – a romantic comedy — at home on the couch. Near the end Matthew McConaughy and Sarah Jessica Parker finally decide to be together. Throughout the last scene, McConaughy is tied to a chair. Feeling good about the couple’s happy ending, Allie had snuggled closer to Andrew and was surprised to feel his erection. She assumed that it meant that he wanted to make love (as they sometimes did after a movie on a weekend).
That memory led Allie to another. They had been watching another movie – she couldn’t even remember the name of it. Andrew had chosen it, and it was one of those American Pie/ Hangover movies or one of a hundred ‘guy movies’ that included lots of adolescent humor. In the movie, a man was surprised when his girlfriend arrived in a long trenchcoat and heels – only to reveal a leather bra and panties. She restrained her boyfriend’s hands over his head and proceeded to use a riding crop to rub over his body and gently tease him. The scene wasn’t very long, but Allie remembered glancing over at Andrew to see his reaction. She specifically remembered his intense gaze and was surprised when she could clearly see his erection straining against his pajama pants.
Allie was surprised that she hadn’t thought of it since. Was her husband excited by being restrained and dominated? Her first thought was “I’m not that kind of girl.” She closed her journal and went home. But the thoughts stayed with her. In some ways it did make sense – if the speaker was right and men were looking for their wife to take the pressure off of them, there were few things more direct than restraining him and pleasuring him.
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