My name is Holly; my husband and I are relatively new to Marriage Heat. This is a first story for us, which I have written, so it is in my point of view (though Drew has read it and approved). What better way to get started than to share with you all how we met and became, well, us?
I had been married to my first husband, Tim, for just a few years when he began having health problems. I think that he was in denial, and he didn’t take proper care of himself, despite my urging. Shortly after our third & youngest child was born, it became apparent that he would not be able to work much longer. That is when I made plans to go back to school to earn a graduate degree. His health continued to fail. Our two oldest children finished high school and went on to college, leaving our baby girl at home and in elementary school. Because Tim’s health was so bad and deteriorated over the years, we hadn’t been able to be physically intimate since our youngest was about a year old. We once tried him manually stimulating me, but he didn’t enjoy it and because he didn’t, I didn’t either. I resigned myself to living a celibate life and I stifled any sexual thoughts. As his health worsened, he suffered mental, personality, and cognitive changes that were very difficult to deal with. I was still married, but for all intents and purposes, I had lost my companion.
Several months before his passing, I had a professional conference that I needed to attend in Boston. My older daughter came and stayed with her Dad and younger sister, and kept a lid on things at home for me. One of the sessions was presented by a man who was – and is – an expert in his field. However, he said some things that didn’t make sense to me, so during the Q&A part of his presentation, I challenged and questioned some of his assertions. He seemed taken aback, as if he wasn’t used to being challenged, but he answered and clarified the points that I brought up. I thanked him and sat down to listen to the rest of his presentation. This was the last conference session before lunch on the first day, and when it was over I took a few minutes to organize my conference materials before going into the room where lunch was being served. As I did so, I was surprised to see this man come and sit next to me, and even more surprised when he thanked me for my comments.
“I appreciate what you said because you made me think. I could tell that you were paying attention.”
I smiled, and held out my hand, “I’m glad I can be of service. I’m Holly.”
He smiled in return as he shook my hand, “I’m Drew.”
We sat next to each other during lunch, and we talked the entire time. We talked about our professional lives, and how our respective areas of specialty worked together. We made a plan to sit together at the dinner that evening so we could talk more. We talked all through dinner, and then sat in the hotel lounge and talked late into the night. Naturally, talking that long, we talked about our personal lives. I told him how I got to where I was professionally, and what I was dealing with at home. He told me how his wife had left him, and how he struggled with that and worked hard to be a good dad to his three sons. We talked at every opportunity throughout the rest of the conference. Our friendship was born. Because of the changes to my husband’s mental status, I had not been able to just talk to him for a long time by that point; it was so nice to just talk to a man – who wasn’t my dad, brother, or son – again.
After two days, it was time to go home. But neither of us wanted to let go of our budding friendship. I knew I needed to be very careful to remain true to Tim and to my commitment to him. It was not easy. I was immediately attracted to Drew, both intellectually and physically – a muscular 6’3”, dark blonde hair, and blue eyes, intelligent, and funny. We had so much in common. But I couldn’t let myself think about all of that. So I forced myself to think of him as a friend, peer, and colleague,
