My wife and I were shopping the other day, actually just looking, and we found ourselves in the local mall bookstore. Somehow, don’t ask me, we found ourselves in the books on sexual behavior and were laughing at some of the books. I was trying to get my wife to look at this book about lap dancing and she was browsing something about the G-spot, what ever that is.
Anyway, as I’m rummaging through the weird and bizarre books about positions–most of which normal people couldn’t do in a million years and should never try–my wife says, “have you ever had a threesome”?
After I regained my composure and found my voice, I asked her why she would ever ask such a question. It was then that I saw that she was looking at a book called “The Menage a trois.”
I looked over her shoulder and to my astonishment; she was staring at honest to goodness pornography, right here in broad daylight in the local shopping mall. There in front of her were large color photographs of two naked women and one naked man, all beautiful of course.
“Well?” she demanded.
“No!” I managed to stutter, “I never have.”
“Would you like too” she asked.
Now I’m starting to sweat just a bit and hear in the distance the sound of warning bells.
“Do you want the truth?”
“Yeah,” she says smiling.
“Okay then,” gathering up my courage and taking a deep breath, I say “Yes, I suppose it’s every man’s fantasy to have a threesome with two women.”
Surprising me, she just laughed and said, “You can’t handle the one you have at home, how in the world do you think that you could possibly manage to have sex with two women at the same time?”
(Have I ever told you how easily my wife can crush my ego with just a couple of words?)
“Sex. Is that what you think this about? You think that I want a threesome just for sex?” In my stupidity, I thought that this line of reasoning might just sound logical to her.
“Having a threesome with two beautiful women at the same time is not just about sex. It’s a test of prowess, like a rite of passage, you know, man alone with the elements, survival of the fittest, man against the machine, that sort of thing. It’s not about sex; it’s about giving it your best shot and proving that you are a man. Yeah, I know I probably can’t handle two women at the same time, but I am willing to give it a good try, win or lose I’ll never be able to say that I didn’t give it my very best shot!”
By now my wife is laughing so hard that I think she’s going to hurt herself right here in the naughty aisle. Finally between fits of laughing, crying and trying to catch her breath, she manages to ask, “And who would you pick as the lucky lady to join us?” (more warning bells) “none of my friends, I’m sure.”
Damn-it, she’s right, she could never be friends with whomever I choose and so if I choose one of her hot friends then they will never be at the house again and my fantasies will come to an end.
“It couldn’t possibly be someone from church, that’s just wrong to even think. That only leaves someone that you work with. Is there someone there that you would like to include in our love making?” (Warning bells, red lights, and alarms all going off at the same time).
“NO, of course not” I manage to get out, hoping to steer clear of this particular topic, “Everyone I work with is either old, fat, or ugly.”
“Then who would you get?” she asks again, not laughing any longer.
“I donno, I guess I thought that you might know someone.”
Quite indignantly she looks me in the eye and says, rather loudly I thought for the store, “I WILL NOT BE SOME KIND OF PIMP FOR YOUR PERVISIONS!”
I am struggling to respond when I here her say, “Now, this is different.”
Caught off guard from the conversation we were just having I look up and see her once again looking at the book. Only this time she’s looking at pictures of two hunky men and one hot woman.
“NO, NO, NO,” I say, “That is just wrong.”
“Why? Why is it ok for you to have two hot women and I don’t get two hot men?”
“Because, it’s just not natural, everyone knows that men shouldn’t be that close together naked. It’s just wrong, I don’t want to be any where close to another man’s parts.”
Looking up at me and smiling that wicked smile she has, she says, “What makes you think that you were going to be a part of this, I want two different men”.
Ok, now I’m just mad. “Who do you have in mind” I asked trying to sound calmer then I’m feeling.
“Oh, no one in particular, I’m sure that if we decided to do this then I could find someone.”
Suddenly a sickening thought occurs to me, “Have you ever had a threesome before” I ask, not sure that I want to hear this answer.
It occurs to me that maybe this is her fantasy, not mine.
“No, never” she says, “and I never will.”
Still somewhat angry I ask, “But this is a fantasy of yours, isn’t it? I mean you have thought about this before, haven’t you?”
“No, I just thought that the book looked interesting. For instance, it is not really about three people having sex, it’s about two people having sex and the third person just watching or maybe touching, but a man has only one penis and can only really have sex with one woman at a time. So if we have a threesome, then what? Am I supposed to just watch as you screw some other women right in front of me? Do you want to be beside me as some other man ejaculates inside of me?”
“I’d kill the bastard” Is all I can say, knowing how right she is.
“You see, for us a threesome would simply end our marriage, and I love being married to you. Think about it, if we had sex and brought another person into our bed, and liked it, then how long before we do it again? Then how long before we consider swinging, what’s next, open marriage? Once you start this kind of thing, I don’t know if you can ever truly end it.”
I really do understand, all to clearly actually.
“You ask me if I would like to have a threesome, and I said that it is every man’s fantasy. That is true. But for me, and I believe most men, the fantasy is probably much better then the reality could ever be. So, do I want to have a threesome? No, I don’t share well. I can’t see myself sharing you with anyone else, man or woman.”
“Good” she replies, “then it’s settled. No sex that includes other people.”
Funny, I’d never really thought of it all quite like this, but darned if she’s not right again.
“Why don’t you put that book away and let’s purchase this one.”
“What is it” she asks looking over my shoulder.
“101 Creative Love Making Ideas, I think it’s for old married folks like you and me”. Turning the book over in her hands she says, “This looks like fun, I can’t wait to give some of these ideas a try.”
And with that she heads towards the front of the store, still reading of course.
Later that evening as we are lying in bed and my wife is in the “cowgirl” mood, if you know what I mean (and I am sure that you do if you’re visiting this site) I am pondering the day’s events.
I try to conjure up the idea of another woman with us and try as I might it just doesn’t work for me now. No matter how hard I try, the idea just seems vulgar and ugly somehow.
“Hey,” I hear my wife say, “What do you think you’re doing”?
“What” I asked.
“If you can’t do better about keeping this thing up, then I’m going to roll over and take care of this myself. You should at least try to be a little attentive here, don’t you think?”
Realizing that I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts about a threesome that I had let other matters drop. I thought about being with my wife and how much I loved her and her abilities to make me happy and how much I really did not want to touch any one else and suddenly the race is on once more. All she needs now is a hat and maybe some spurs. Ok, forget the spurs, maybe some chaps instead.
Yeah, now that’s a threesome, her, me and a real cowgirl outfit. Ahhh, life is truly good.
Anyway, as I’m rummaging through the weird and bizarre books about positions–most of which normal people couldn’t do in a million years and should never try–my wife says, “have you ever had a threesome”?
After I regained my composure and found my voice, I asked her why she would ever ask such a question. It was then that I saw that she was looking at a book called “The Menage a trois.”
I looked over her shoulder and to my astonishment; she was staring at honest to goodness pornography, right here in broad daylight in the local shopping mall. There in front of her were large color photographs of two naked women and one naked man, all beautiful of course.
“Well?” she demanded.
“No!” I managed to stutter, “I never have.”
“Would you like too” she asked.
Now I’m starting to sweat just a bit and hear in the distance the sound of warning bells.
“Do you want the truth?”
“Yeah,” she says smiling.
“Okay then,” gathering up my courage and taking a deep breath, I say “Yes, I suppose it’s every man’s fantasy to have a threesome with two women.”
Surprising me, she just laughed and said, “You can’t handle the one you have at home, how in the world do you think that you could possibly manage to have sex with two women at the same time?”
(Have I ever told you how easily my wife can crush my ego with just a couple of words?)
“Sex. Is that what you think this about? You think that I want a threesome just for sex?” In my stupidity, I thought that this line of reasoning might just sound logical to her.
“Having a threesome with two beautiful women at the same time is not just about sex. It’s a test of prowess, like a rite of passage, you know, man alone with the elements, survival of the fittest, man against the machine, that sort of thing. It’s not about sex; it’s about giving it your best shot and proving that you are a man. Yeah, I know I probably can’t handle two women at the same time, but I am willing to give it a good try, win or lose I’ll never be able to say that I didn’t give it my very best shot!”
By now my wife is laughing so hard that I think she’s going to hurt herself right here in the naughty aisle. Finally between fits of laughing, crying and trying to catch her breath, she manages to ask, “And who would you pick as the lucky lady to join us?” (more warning bells) “none of my friends, I’m sure.”
Damn-it, she’s right, she could never be friends with whomever I choose and so if I choose one of her hot friends then they will never be at the house again and my fantasies will come to an end.
“It couldn’t possibly be someone from church, that’s just wrong to even think. That only leaves someone that you work with. Is there someone there that you would like to include in our love making?” (Warning bells, red lights, and alarms all going off at the same time).
“NO, of course not” I manage to get out, hoping to steer clear of this particular topic, “Everyone I work with is either old, fat, or ugly.”
“Then who would you get?” she asks again, not laughing any longer.
“I donno, I guess I thought that you might know someone.”
Quite indignantly she looks me in the eye and says, rather loudly I thought for the store, “I WILL NOT BE SOME KIND OF PIMP FOR YOUR PERVISIONS!”
I am struggling to respond when I here her say, “Now, this is different.”
Caught off guard from the conversation we were just having I look up and see her once again looking at the book. Only this time she’s looking at pictures of two hunky men and one hot woman.
“NO, NO, NO,” I say, “That is just wrong.”
“Why? Why is it ok for you to have two hot women and I don’t get two hot men?”
“Because, it’s just not natural, everyone knows that men shouldn’t be that close together naked. It’s just wrong, I don’t want to be any where close to another man’s parts.”
Looking up at me and smiling that wicked smile she has, she says, “What makes you think that you were going to be a part of this, I want two different men”.
Ok, now I’m just mad. “Who do you have in mind” I asked trying to sound calmer then I’m feeling.
“Oh, no one in particular, I’m sure that if we decided to do this then I could find someone.”
Suddenly a sickening thought occurs to me, “Have you ever had a threesome before” I ask, not sure that I want to hear this answer.
It occurs to me that maybe this is her fantasy, not mine.
“No, never” she says, “and I never will.”
Still somewhat angry I ask, “But this is a fantasy of yours, isn’t it? I mean you have thought about this before, haven’t you?”
“No, I just thought that the book looked interesting. For instance, it is not really about three people having sex, it’s about two people having sex and the third person just watching or maybe touching, but a man has only one penis and can only really have sex with one woman at a time. So if we have a threesome, then what? Am I supposed to just watch as you screw some other women right in front of me? Do you want to be beside me as some other man ejaculates inside of me?”
“I’d kill the bastard” Is all I can say, knowing how right she is.
“You see, for us a threesome would simply end our marriage, and I love being married to you. Think about it, if we had sex and brought another person into our bed, and liked it, then how long before we do it again? Then how long before we consider swinging, what’s next, open marriage? Once you start this kind of thing, I don’t know if you can ever truly end it.”
I really do understand, all to clearly actually.
“You ask me if I would like to have a threesome, and I said that it is every man’s fantasy. That is true. But for me, and I believe most men, the fantasy is probably much better then the reality could ever be. So, do I want to have a threesome? No, I don’t share well. I can’t see myself sharing you with anyone else, man or woman.”
“Good” she replies, “then it’s settled. No sex that includes other people.”
Funny, I’d never really thought of it all quite like this, but darned if she’s not right again.
“Why don’t you put that book away and let’s purchase this one.”
“What is it” she asks looking over my shoulder.
“101 Creative Love Making Ideas, I think it’s for old married folks like you and me”. Turning the book over in her hands she says, “This looks like fun, I can’t wait to give some of these ideas a try.”
And with that she heads towards the front of the store, still reading of course.
Later that evening as we are lying in bed and my wife is in the “cowgirl” mood, if you know what I mean (and I am sure that you do if you’re visiting this site) I am pondering the day’s events.
I try to conjure up the idea of another woman with us and try as I might it just doesn’t work for me now. No matter how hard I try, the idea just seems vulgar and ugly somehow.
“Hey,” I hear my wife say, “What do you think you’re doing”?
“What” I asked.
“If you can’t do better about keeping this thing up, then I’m going to roll over and take care of this myself. You should at least try to be a little attentive here, don’t you think?”
Realizing that I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts about a threesome that I had let other matters drop. I thought about being with my wife and how much I loved her and her abilities to make me happy and how much I really did not want to touch any one else and suddenly the race is on once more. All she needs now is a hat and maybe some spurs. Ok, forget the spurs, maybe some chaps instead.
Yeah, now that’s a threesome, her, me and a real cowgirl outfit. Ahhh, life is truly good.
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